Post by Rick Redner on Apr 13, 2013 18:09:05 GMT -5
For some men buyer's remorse is temporary, for others it's a life long regret about having your prostate removed. Whether it's temporary or permanent here's the place to discuss buyers remorse.
Here's a link to an award winning article written by a man who wanted this prostate back:
www.menshealth.com/health/coping-prostate-cancer
Over the years I've made copies of posts where men expressed deep regrets over their decision to have surgery this one was written by a man who died from prostate cancer six months after this post. Given his state of mind I believe he welcomed death:
Regret! Not from PC but from decision to have a radical prostatectomy.It's now about nine weeks after surgery and things seem to be gettingworse.The physical pain from the surgery is gone but everything else is deteriorating. There is not a minute where I don't regret my decision and prefer to just evaporate. There is no denying it; I am now a freak. I don't respect myself and, in all honesty, I don't know how others would respect me either. Sleep is now my only comfort. Perhaps a very deep sleep will help me to evaporate, permanently.
Other comments equally painful:
I’ve asked myself a thousand times since my RP in June 2009…..WHY? I can still say I wish I had never had the surgery.
I’m 7 months in and wish I never let them talk me into having it removed. My life has changed and just keeps getting worse.
May 9 2011 I under went a radical prostatectomy Worst decision I ever made. 2 years later I still suffer from the side effects of the surgery. My life has change for ever. I'll never be the same again. I am in a deep depression and forever will be. I would NOT sugest surgery to anyone.
I just feel like a freak afterwards. I feel like I'm not even a man anymore. I wish now that I had never let anyone touch me, and that I would have preferred that I had just let the cancer kill me instead. Had I known then what this would be like, I would have told them to kiss my ass. I'd have just taken whatever time I had left. I won’t ever go within a mile of another doctor.
It’s become apparent that even best case scenario, sex isnt going to be anywhere close to what it was before. Even when we do "other methods", and manage sex in some kind of form, I just feel like a freak afterwards. I feel like I'm not even a man anymore. I wish now that I had never let anyone touch me, and that I would have preferred that I had just let the cancer kill me instead. Had I known then what this would be like, I would have told them to kiss my ass. I'd have just taken whatever time I had left. I won’t ever go within a mile of another doctor.
I’m 7 months in and wish I never let them talk me into having it removed. My life has changed and just keeps getting worse,
The topics of anger and frustration, never thought they would enter the relationship of my marriage of 35+ yrs, but my frustration and anger is starting to creep in like a cancer itself. This has been the most trying 6 months of life, all since this surgery.
I’ve asked myself a thousand times since my RP in June 2009…..WHY? I can still say I wish I had never had the surgery
I found out I had PC Feb. 2011. May 9 2011 I under went a radical prostectomy. Worst decision I ever made. 2 years later I still suffer from the side effects of the surgery. My life has change forever. I'll never be the same again. I am in a deep depression and forever will be. I would NOT suggest surgery to anyone. There are other alternatives to consider. Please don't make the same mistake I did.
I am age 60, about 14 months post RALP, and battle depression daily. I had Gleason 7 cancer, and regret surgery.The thought of sex is not longer stimulating - it's is now stressful and depressing. I was hoping I would feel better about things over time, but at this point I am loosing hope. If I could do it over, I would forgo any treatment, take as many normal years as I could get, then just end it.
I just feel a complete eunuch now. Like my libido I am physically dead down there and yes I miss it but I am still alive.
I am feeling like I have lost what being a man was all about - keep thinking that just a few more days or weeks and all will be ok - I know that it has only been 4 months - but if it is to be another year or two this could become more like punishment than healing.
This type of buyers remorse is often accompanied by a depression and sense of hopeless and futility about life. You can feel this way even when you've been cured of cancer. You are not alone. Many men feel this way,but knowing that doesn't make your life any better. One positive outcome in reading these threads is this: A secondary cause of pain is that you can judge yourself very harshly for not feeling grateful to be alive and/or cured of cancer. There is no need to get down on yourself for feeling this way. That said, I believe this level of discouragement and depression requires men to do something they hate to do.....GET PROFESSIONAL HELP.
I'm convinced God still has a plan for your life and it's a good plan, but you'll never get to experience this plan until you get the help you need to overcome your sense of discouragement, futility, depression and possibly your wish to die.
If you don't get help, you'll not only miss out on the wonderful plan God has for your life, the chances are you'll ruin your marriage, and relationships with the people you love most. You will withdraw from everyone and everything.
In the book Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend they explain that healthy boundaries keep the bad out and allow good in. Unhealthy boundaries do the opposite. They don't allow the good in, and won't let the bad out. Without professional intervention there is a great risk of wasting years and perhaps decades of your life living in misery.
Finding good help takes time, but it's worth the search. Often a friend or family member can recommend someone to you. I hope
those who are suffering from buyers remorse will feel comfortable posting here, and those who like myself defeated buyers remorse will also post here.
If you are interested in hearing more about my experiences with buyer's remorse and post surgical depression I share both my personal experiences as well as my professional training as a Medical & Psychiatric Social Worker to help other men and couples overcome depression as well as a variety of pre and post surgical issues. I priced the Kindle addition below $3 to make this resource affordable.
You can look inside the book, read reviews, and purchase my book I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours? Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Sexual & Spiritual Aspects of Prostate Cancer
at the following link:
Amazon.com
Here's a few links to find out if there is a prostate cancer support group near you:
Us Too International
Prostate Cancer Foundation
Man to Man
If you are thinking about surgery, the best way to minimize the possibility of you experiencing buyer's remorse is to get accurate information, have realistic expectations, and find a skillful surgeon. Read the threads in our pre and post surgery forums, discuss surgery with men who've been there. Last but not least, don't believe the ads and the on-line marketing for robotic surgery. Read, discuss, and learn the facts before you make the decision to have surgery.
I'll end this thread with very good advice from a man post-surgery:
So get informed and know ahead of time all the depressing side affects of your chosen treatment
Here's a link to an award winning article written by a man who wanted this prostate back:
www.menshealth.com/health/coping-prostate-cancer
Over the years I've made copies of posts where men expressed deep regrets over their decision to have surgery this one was written by a man who died from prostate cancer six months after this post. Given his state of mind I believe he welcomed death:
Regret! Not from PC but from decision to have a radical prostatectomy.It's now about nine weeks after surgery and things seem to be gettingworse.The physical pain from the surgery is gone but everything else is deteriorating. There is not a minute where I don't regret my decision and prefer to just evaporate. There is no denying it; I am now a freak. I don't respect myself and, in all honesty, I don't know how others would respect me either. Sleep is now my only comfort. Perhaps a very deep sleep will help me to evaporate, permanently.
Other comments equally painful:
I’ve asked myself a thousand times since my RP in June 2009…..WHY? I can still say I wish I had never had the surgery.
I’m 7 months in and wish I never let them talk me into having it removed. My life has changed and just keeps getting worse.
May 9 2011 I under went a radical prostatectomy Worst decision I ever made. 2 years later I still suffer from the side effects of the surgery. My life has change for ever. I'll never be the same again. I am in a deep depression and forever will be. I would NOT sugest surgery to anyone.
I just feel like a freak afterwards. I feel like I'm not even a man anymore. I wish now that I had never let anyone touch me, and that I would have preferred that I had just let the cancer kill me instead. Had I known then what this would be like, I would have told them to kiss my ass. I'd have just taken whatever time I had left. I won’t ever go within a mile of another doctor.
It’s become apparent that even best case scenario, sex isnt going to be anywhere close to what it was before. Even when we do "other methods", and manage sex in some kind of form, I just feel like a freak afterwards. I feel like I'm not even a man anymore. I wish now that I had never let anyone touch me, and that I would have preferred that I had just let the cancer kill me instead. Had I known then what this would be like, I would have told them to kiss my ass. I'd have just taken whatever time I had left. I won’t ever go within a mile of another doctor.
I’m 7 months in and wish I never let them talk me into having it removed. My life has changed and just keeps getting worse,
The topics of anger and frustration, never thought they would enter the relationship of my marriage of 35+ yrs, but my frustration and anger is starting to creep in like a cancer itself. This has been the most trying 6 months of life, all since this surgery.
I’ve asked myself a thousand times since my RP in June 2009…..WHY? I can still say I wish I had never had the surgery
I found out I had PC Feb. 2011. May 9 2011 I under went a radical prostectomy. Worst decision I ever made. 2 years later I still suffer from the side effects of the surgery. My life has change forever. I'll never be the same again. I am in a deep depression and forever will be. I would NOT suggest surgery to anyone. There are other alternatives to consider. Please don't make the same mistake I did.
I am age 60, about 14 months post RALP, and battle depression daily. I had Gleason 7 cancer, and regret surgery.The thought of sex is not longer stimulating - it's is now stressful and depressing. I was hoping I would feel better about things over time, but at this point I am loosing hope. If I could do it over, I would forgo any treatment, take as many normal years as I could get, then just end it.
I just feel a complete eunuch now. Like my libido I am physically dead down there and yes I miss it but I am still alive.
I am feeling like I have lost what being a man was all about - keep thinking that just a few more days or weeks and all will be ok - I know that it has only been 4 months - but if it is to be another year or two this could become more like punishment than healing.
This type of buyers remorse is often accompanied by a depression and sense of hopeless and futility about life. You can feel this way even when you've been cured of cancer. You are not alone. Many men feel this way,but knowing that doesn't make your life any better. One positive outcome in reading these threads is this: A secondary cause of pain is that you can judge yourself very harshly for not feeling grateful to be alive and/or cured of cancer. There is no need to get down on yourself for feeling this way. That said, I believe this level of discouragement and depression requires men to do something they hate to do.....GET PROFESSIONAL HELP.
I'm convinced God still has a plan for your life and it's a good plan, but you'll never get to experience this plan until you get the help you need to overcome your sense of discouragement, futility, depression and possibly your wish to die.
If you don't get help, you'll not only miss out on the wonderful plan God has for your life, the chances are you'll ruin your marriage, and relationships with the people you love most. You will withdraw from everyone and everything.
In the book Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend they explain that healthy boundaries keep the bad out and allow good in. Unhealthy boundaries do the opposite. They don't allow the good in, and won't let the bad out. Without professional intervention there is a great risk of wasting years and perhaps decades of your life living in misery.
Finding good help takes time, but it's worth the search. Often a friend or family member can recommend someone to you. I hope
those who are suffering from buyers remorse will feel comfortable posting here, and those who like myself defeated buyers remorse will also post here.
If you are interested in hearing more about my experiences with buyer's remorse and post surgical depression I share both my personal experiences as well as my professional training as a Medical & Psychiatric Social Worker to help other men and couples overcome depression as well as a variety of pre and post surgical issues. I priced the Kindle addition below $3 to make this resource affordable.
You can look inside the book, read reviews, and purchase my book I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours? Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Sexual & Spiritual Aspects of Prostate Cancer
at the following link:
Amazon.com
Here's a few links to find out if there is a prostate cancer support group near you:
Us Too International
Prostate Cancer Foundation
Man to Man
If you are thinking about surgery, the best way to minimize the possibility of you experiencing buyer's remorse is to get accurate information, have realistic expectations, and find a skillful surgeon. Read the threads in our pre and post surgery forums, discuss surgery with men who've been there. Last but not least, don't believe the ads and the on-line marketing for robotic surgery. Read, discuss, and learn the facts before you make the decision to have surgery.
I'll end this thread with very good advice from a man post-surgery:
So get informed and know ahead of time all the depressing side affects of your chosen treatment
