Post by Lovelylady on Nov 11, 2014 0:34:47 GMT -5
Hello, I am new to this forum and have been reading many stories for some time, but wanted to share my own story in the hope I can get some advice from those who have already travelled this road.
Over 5 weeks ago my boyfriend (40 yrs old) had a radical prostatectomy and in the lead up to the surgery he was told that post surgery he would never be able to achieve a spontaneous erection and due to other medical issues Viagra would not be an option for him (he was using it before the surgery unbeknownst to me, and shouldn't have been, but didn't want to tell me).
He is determined not to consider a pump, implant or injections, and so therefore has resigned himself to a future of zero sex. He has had the surgery now and as a result of this he has broken off our relationship and told me he wants to keep me in his life as his closest, deepest friend, but to never discuss or consider the possibility of any further sexual relationship between us. In his words "I never want to think about sex again". He thinks he is helping me by "saving me from a life without sex", telling me I need to have sex and he can't offer that to me any more.
This is breaking my heart as I deeply love him and can't accept that he is rejecting me for this reason, as I know he deeply loves me too. I have repeatedly told him I am open to any or all other types of sexual activity and he is more to me than just an erection. We had a deeply fulfilling sex life prior to the surgery and I can't bear the thought he will never enjoy any future sexual activity wholly due to his attitude, rather than willingness to consider other alternatives. why would he want to isolate himself in this way? I've told him he can achieve orgasm without an erection, and tried to open his mind to anything but right now he is refusing to discuss the topic, and even refusing to see me
Without doubt he is suffering depression after the surgery, doesn't want to talk about the surgery, nor the loss of some length of his penis and quite frankly it is really affecting my own outlook on life at the moment. I feel so helpless, defeated and sad for us and him too.
Is there any wisdom someone can share? Advice? I need every bit of help I can get from those who might be able to help me understand what's going through his head.